I have had many healing sessions with Taryn and with other people where I experienced what it feels like when someone is holding space for me so I can fall apart be vulnerable and allow myself to feel and heal my pain.
Over the last couple of weeks, this quote by Maryam Hasnaa took on a whole new meaning for me. I experienced her words for myself on a much deeper level than I have ever before.
"A healer does not heal you. A healer is someone who holds space for you while you awaken your inner healer, so that you may heal yourself."
The roles is reversed and now I am the one holding the space. I am finding my own language of how I hold space for another. With different experiences, my skill set is growing. Sometimes I fumble for words and don't know what to say. Then I think should I be saying something, right now?What is your linguistic space holding skills? Below is a few of mine that I have learned through various interactions.
1. "Wise souls speak loudly in silence."
That means you don't speak, offer an opinion. Allow them to give a voice to what they have been keeping in silence inside. Allowing a person to vent and know someone is listening to them without judgement is all that is needed in many cases. And when you think you should say something or fumbling to find the words. Just shut up and sit there and listen. When they're done.... say "I hear you." Nod and smile.
2. "Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise."
Ask a question that will make them think about the situation they are in a different way. The question acts like shining a torch in the darkness. The beam of light illuminates the scary object. It's like seeing a scary figure in the corner of a dark room, and when you shine a light on the object you see it was only the coat stand. Let them take the torch and find their own answer to the question. They will eventually find the light switch or not.
3. "All endings are also beginnings, we just don't know it at the time."
Offer guidance with love. The guidance that uplifts and let them sees their own power. Let them have their own experience and opportunities to learn and grow from the decisions they make. Empower them to see they are capable of finding the answers for themselves.
4. Allow them to fall apart.
Just bare witness and let them be. (It's harder than you think)
Watching someone close to you go through a difficult time and seeing them in their pain is not an easy task. My empathic abilities (a gift and a curse at times) because to feel others pain so deeply is simply heartbreaking. But it also allows me to empathise and understand them on a much deeper level.Making them feel better is what I want to do. But I know that it serves no purpose for them or me if I take their pain and internalise it as my own. It takes practice to put healthy boundaries in place. To feel and not to absorb. I see my own triggers and how I act, when allow myself to be consumed by their feelings.
It is like watching someone standing in front of a mirror, looking at themselves. The reflection of them is showing me their true emotions.
Other times, it is like watching a person standing in front of a mirror, looking at themselves. Then I see myself in that person's reflection.
It is a freakily beautiful experience if you are open to see and bare witness to what The Universe is showing you. Seeing my truth reflected back at me through another's actions, thoughts and emotions.
While holding space for someone, The Universe shows me myself.
Isn't that just magical?