On the first week of July, the HR manager at work handed me an envelope that contained a list of goals I set in the beginning of the year.It was a reminder for me to check in with myself and see if I am still on track with what I set out to achieve in January.
Opening the envelope I looked at them and wondered, “Who the hell wrote these?” laughing at myself. I didn’t recognise these goals as important anymore.
They were just a to-do-list. An outward reflection of what I hope to achieve. I thought that by achieving these goals, it would make me happy. One of the goals was to run a 21km race. Did I ever consider what had to change on the inside to achieve this goal? I wasn’t nearly mentally or emotionally prepared to do that. I thought it would make me happy. But if it really did, or if I was seriously committed to doing it, would I have not made a bigger effort?
I questioned myself if I considered what would truly bring me joy? Did I even know what joy feels like?
The five things written down didn’t inspire me. I looked at what I wrote and my reaction was “meh”.
I looked at what I wrote down and asked myself, “Is this really important to me anymore?” The answer was no. Did that mean I failed? No.
My self worth and success in life is not valued to what I wrote on a piece of paper six months ago. I am allowed to change my mind and rewrite my goals. Because I have changed.
I have to acknowledge all the other things I have done, which was not written down on the piece of paper. Things I never thought of or even dared to dream of at the beginning of the year.
My inner world has shifted so much. I choose to celebrate and honour how far I have come. I am stronger and more resourceful. I trust myself that I have learned lessons and have grown from them. I have transformed and am continuing to do so. I am not that version of myself anymore, not the version of myself as I was yesterday. Because with each day, there are new experiences and lessons to be learned.
My eyes opened to a world that I knew always existed deep within my soul. I remember what I have always known.
I tore up my ‘to-do-list’ and decided I will not be defined by it anymore. I set a new goal with a much deeper meaning. “I embrace joy!”
I want to experience life and find out what brings me joy and makes my heart sing!
Do you know what brings you joy?